Donowutt County Vignettes 1

Donowutt County is located between Kansas City and Columbia, Missouri, and between the Missouri River and Missouri’s recreational lakes area.  Nobody is exactly sure where.  Donowutt County is a geographically elusive place.  You  won’t find it on any maps.  The county is thought to have gotten lost or misplaced shortly before Missouri attained statehood in 1821.  I touched on this in book one of this hopefully on-going series, so I’ll spare you the details here.

Normally a county is a geographic subdivision of a state, formed to ease administration of activities and resources.  Due to Donowutt County’s hidden nature (some outsiders even go so far as to suggest it is fictional), unique systems of government and law enforcement developed.  Residents elect three county commissioners: a western commissioner who is over the flat farm country; the 13 corridor commissioner (aka central commissioner), who is over the two biggest towns and highway 13 with its adjacent land; and the eastern commissioner who is over the eastern hill country.  These three commissioners, who serve overlapping three year terms, select one of themselves or they can reappoint the incumbent to serve as count or countess, who is the chief administrative officer of the county.  If one of the three commissioners is selected, a special election is held to fill his or her vacant office.

The commissionership (to include the count/ess) appoints a senior judge who serves a 10 year term.  The judge appoints two associate judges, subject to commissioner approval.  Judges appoint city police chiefs who, in turn run their offices according to their rules.

Possibly unique to Donowutt County is The Posse.  The Posse is a volunteer citizen watch program.  Members are recommended by the local police force to the senior judge who then approaches the candidate to assess their qualifications and desire for the position.  This is a lifetime post and duties are taken seriously.  The Posse has power, in turn, to remove commissioners and count/ess if it is determined their conduct is unethical for the smooth operation of the county.  Removal of a Posse member requires a unanimous vote of the commissionership and a two thirds majority vote of The Posse. 

The Posse serves as the eyes, ears, and if need be, additional force for the Donowutt County Law Enforcement (DCLE).  The Posse, however, is an independent, self-funded organization very similar to a military force.  Many  would call them a militia which helps the  police.  They’ve got a lot of power, but Donowutt County is far from a police county.

The residents have grown used to the quirks of their isolation and have come to enjoy it.  Some of these quirks could be called downright mysterious.  Those geographical and historical oddities may have a bit to do with how the county got lost in the first place.  It’s said some folks in the county even work to insure it stays hidden.  But that’s not the point of this writing, so here we go.

Other than government are some county-wide organizations and clubs.  We have the What? Where? 4-H club, a county garden club, Donowutt County Community College, and County Scouts, to name a few.  Boy Scouts won’t recognize us because with all their map and compass skills, they can’t find Donowutt County.  I don’t know if the Girl Scouts have ever tried.  The Department of Conservation has an office in Big River and maintains Perry’s Bend Conservation Area to the west of Higginsburg and wrapping south and southeast.  Trials Library System supports four branches throughout the county and Max Savings Grocery store chain has four stores: one in Midtown, two in Higginsburg and one in Big River.  Donowutt County has four high schools: one in Midtown; one in Big River: one in Higginsburg; Rural Hills High School in the east central part of the county.

All the incorporated towns have at least one church, and some have multiple drinking establishments.  Rainy Island, where Higginsburg started in the early 1800s, houses only Rainy Island Prison and several pre-colonial buildings attached to the old manor.  It used to be “town”, but no longer.  Nowhere, which is pronounced, now-here, was a lead mining town, or was planned to be such, but it’s nothing more than a crossroads with a name these days.

Except for some patchy hills around Midtown and some in the north near the river, the western part of the county is quite flat.  The hills of the eastern part of the county rise abruptly.  It’s a rocky and heavily forested area.  The east and west are separated by low wetlands in the south and Derche creek which runs north, and into the river at Big River.

You can see, except for the oddish government and off-the-map thing, Donowutt County is a fairly ordinary rural Missouri county.  History and geography are important building blocks of a community.  What really makes a place come alive, however, are its people.  I suppose since I’m telling you this story, I should introduce myself.  After hanging around with the locals for a while, they figured out I was writing a book about one of their favorite residents.  That book was my first on Donowutt County and I met so many interesting people I felt a need to write more.  The locals, of Wilder, mostly, started calling me “that author” or “the author.”  Wilder’s police dispatcher, Sarah, shortened that to “Mr. A.”  So, I am Mr. A. or the author, and it’s my privilege and joy to tell you of my findings in this wonderful, but elusive place, Donowutt County.

Back in 2015, I think, I met a girl who took a summer vacation trip and ended up in Donowutt County.  How I ended up there, too, I don’t know.  I wasn’t stalking her or anything.  Somehow, word got out I was writing about the mystery girl.  Information in Donowutt County travels fast if it needs to –or wants to.  Before I even knew of their existence, The Posse probably told the police, who told a judge who told a commissioner…  Anyway, one day while I visited the Donowutt County Courthouse (nice building ripe with stories), one of the commissioners approached me.  He shook my hand vigorously.  I thought it a pretty hearty handshake for how tiny he appeared.  He said, with a voice of great authority, “Congratulations, Mr. A.  The count, himself, said I was to deliver this Certificate of Appointment to you, personally.  He’d have done so himself, but he is away to attend his grandson’s Kindergarten Christmas program.”  I took the paper and looked at it.  At the top, within a wonderfully-decorated border, was written in two lines,

“Donowutt County, Missouri,

Certificate of Appointment”. 

The body read, in a medieval looking hand-written font, 

“Unto Witnesses Attending and to Future Readers: Be it known, Mr. Author, henceforth known in Donowutt County as Mr. A., is hereby appointed to the lifetime position of Donowutt County, Missouri, Recorder of Events, whose duties and responsibilities shall be in accordance with rules established by the Office of Recorder of Events for Donowutt County.” 

Then it looked like a fancy official seal at the bottom with four signed signature lines: Count, Western Commissioner, Central Commissioner and Eastern Commissioner.

I looked up and the commissioner who handed me the notice firmly slapped me on the shoulder, saying, “Welcome aboard!  The count said, “If Mr. A.  doesn’t write it down, it didn’t happen!” as he handed me the form.” 

I glanced back at the certificate and back up, and he was gone.  I turned around to look, and it was just me in the hallway with a few people carrying on their county business.  I gave a little laugh as I looked back at the paper.  I shook my head and as I turned again, I saw an old brown door with wooden sign which read in faded greenish white paint, “Recorder of Events” on the top line and in smaller letters, “Mr. A.” on the second.   I looked side to side, checked the old worn round brown metal handle to find the door unlocked.  I stepped in.

When I got up this morning, I had no idea I’d be standing in an office designated as mine before lunch.  The room was big for a single office.  There were two oak desks.  Oak file cabinets lined the long wall behind the desks, a short wall and the wall with the door.  All of the furnishings looked new, had this been right after World War I.

The whole room was 15x30 feet, by about 10 feet tall.  The ceiling was covered with patterned brass tiles.  From it hung three hooded single bulb incandescent light fixtures.  The floor was also tiled, but in yellowish ivory colored, probably asbestos tiles.  The years and years of wax probably had all those hazards well-sealed up.

Each desk had a lamp and at either end of the office was a tall floor lamp.  Behind each desk was a tall dusty window, each equipped with a long set of Venetian blinds.  I think this will be a fun office to explore.  So I hung my coat on the rack that was behind the open door and decided to snoop.

It was really a step back in time except for the computer on a makeshift desk under the window behind the far office desk.  I went over to check it out.  A note hung on the monitor.  It said, “Printer in supplies closet with microfilm reader.”  As I took the note off the monitor, it clicked against the screen.  A key was taped to the back of the note.  I guessed it was to the supplies closet, but where was that?  In time.  I’ll figure it out in time.

The chairs behind the desks were varnished oak, just like the desks and file cabinets.  The chairs swiveled, rolled and tilted, but not so much they’d throw the user out.  The desks looked to be about three by six feet with three drawers on each side with the standard wide narrow drawer top and center.  Both desks seemed well stocked for pre-digital reporters.

I got up and started looking in the file cabinets.  They seemed to be full of stories, old census records, historical data, and two of the cabinets were full of microfilm copies of the Donowutt County Record, the county paper, going back to 1823 when it first came out.  I jumped when there was a knock at the door.  It opened and a little old blue-haired lady poked her head in and asked if I was the one looking for a new assistant.  I told her I hadn’t requested one but how did she get that impression in the first place?

She said, “Well, I knew you were new here, and Recorder of Events could be a big job for just one person.  I’ve been working here in the courthouse for several years at the paper presses.  I also write the obituaries.  I’d like more writing assignments, if you can understand that.”

She went on a bit, “and I don’t have my own office or desk and I’d been using this one here by the door for several years since it’s been vacant.  I’ll keep you well stocked in office supplies and writing ideas, if you like.” 

“Office supplies,” I said.  “Where might I find the supplies closet?”

“So you found your key, then?  I taped it there to your, that is, if you want to use that desk as yours, your computer.  The closet is one door to the left of the, or, your office door.”

“I guess for now, you can call it “the” office or “our” office.  Having someone who knows their way around will be a help,” I said.  "I’ve got no clue about hiring practices here, but, until I do, feel free to use your desk and assist as you like.”

She gave a little delighted hop, and asked, “Do you want to see the supplies closet?” 

“Why sure, I think I should know where my printer is at, since I prefer to do my proofreading on hard-copy, rather than digitally.”

She smiled and said, “I’m with you on that one!”

Her behavior, mannerisms and voice tried to say she was quite a bit younger than she looked.  I think she’ll make a decent enough assistant.

She turned as she walked out the door and said, “By the way, I’m Sue.”

How Frank and Lena Met

Frank left the station on a call to catch Esther’s dog –again.  Lena offered Redtail a ride home after Frank’s shift, but the last little delay held him up a few minutes longer.  So Redtail and Lena hung out with Sarah, the dispatcher, until Frank got back.

Redtail asked, “Lena, how did you and Frank meet?”

Lena laughed.  “How I got to the place I met Frank started when I was a little girl.  I was an only child.  Lots of folks conclude I must, therefore, be spoiled rotten.  I don’t know if I was or not, but like Popeye says, “I yam what I yam.””

Sarah leaned back and said, “Well, I ain’t smelt no spoilage.”

Lena smiled and Redtail laughed, “Me neither.”

Lena continued, “Well good.  I guess if the smell’s there, I’m hiding it OK.  Anyway, I was always a daddy’s girl.  Mom was cool too, and I never minded doing kitchen, laundry and other housework, but I went with Daddy for entertainment.  We’d build stuff in his shop and he’d always take me hunting and fishing.  I don’t know if we did it all that often, but they’re strong, fond memories.  Daddy was killed in Desert Storm when I was about the age most girls get interested in messing around with boys’ affections.  So when Mom started talking birds and the bees, she made certain to throw in how I wasn’t to use boys as an attempt to replace Daddy.   The boys I met didn’t want to build stuff in the shop, and the one I did get to go fishing with me was more interested in my bait than with catching any lunch.”

Lena sighed.  “I guess I’d always been sort of a loner.  I never felt like wiggling my bait at boys or even flashing it.  I don’t think I was an introvert or anything labeled like that.  I didn’t feel like doing girly-girly stuff and never felt called to flirt with the boys –or girls.”  She paused for a drink.

Sarah finished sorting police mail and commented, “That’s not so weird.  I always thought Boy Scouts did cooler stuff than Girl Scouts.  OK, I guess I did wiggle bait from time to time –never shared it, but I let guys know it was there.  Of course, I’d act shocked and appalled if one of those boy fish yanked on the bobber.  Too scared to fish really hard, but still…”

Redtail and Lena laughed. 

Lena continued, “Yeah, I hung out with the boys, but I always felt like one of them instead of wanting one for a pet.”  All three laughed.  “In high school, I worked lawn maintenance and snow removal.  After I graduated, I enlisted in the army.  I guess wherever I went, I was the minority.  I learned that guys look and they LOOK.  I learned to handle myself in about any situation with guys.  Almost always, I could say, “Don’t mess with me,” with just a look of my own.  Then there was Frank.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  Redtail said, “Go on.  Go on.”

Lena smiled, “This is taking longer than I thought.  Anyway, a couple months after I got out of the army, Judge Noyugo approached me about being part of The Posse.  I almost felt teary-eyed when he asked and I said, “yes,” right away.  I never did tell him I used to play Posse in the woods catching bad guys.”

“I think you’re in understanding company,” said Redtail.  “I mean here, your childhood doesn’t sound weird at all.  Then again, I’m a girl who lives in the woods, almost totally off the land, and we’re hanging out at the police station with Sarah, who also hangs out with Grandpa George.”

Sarah said, “Well shoot, Lena, you’re a natural fit with us.”

Lena smiled, “I guess so.  I don’t think I’d mentioned playing Posse to anyone else.”

Redtail said, softly, “That’s cool.”

Lena said, “It was about my third Donowutt County Law Enforcement meeting that I noticed this guy across and at the other end of the table, looking at me –not LOOKING, but looking.  I might’ve let down my guy-guard a bit because I think I might’ve smiled.  He looked away and convinced me he was only scanning his surroundings like any police should do.”

“Aww,” said Sarah, “That’s almost sad.”

Lena said, “Well, I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, but I looked for him at the next meeting.  I spotted him, felt content, then, pretended to not notice him.  Real smart, huh?”  She smiled and shook her head.

Sarah said, “Hindsight isn’t always better.  I really don’t know what I’d’ve done.”

Redtail broke the short silence.  “Then what?”

“Sorry,” said Lena.  “I got to thinking about the story instead of telling it.  Yeah, about two weeks later, at the Independence Day bash out at Derche Park in Higginsburg, I was helping the kids at an archery booth.  Frank must’ve been on duty.  He was in uniform and strolled past my booth.  I tried not to be too obviously smiling as we exchanged glances to acknowledge each other’s presence.  We didn’t talk that day either.” 

Lena scowled at herself and continued. “At the next DCLE meeting, I took my usual seat and Frank took his.  We acknowledged each other with a short glance, and then I made eye contact with Rob, who was LOOKING at me.” Lena laughed.  “I wish I could remember that next glance I gave him.  I think it said, “Down boy! Back off!” and “Git!” quite effectively, since he’s always seemed nervous around me.  Frank saw my glance.  He sat up and scanned the table to see who it was directed at.  Frank and Rob made eye contact, too, and Frank seemed to tell him something with his look, as well.  Frank and I connected again and he sat back looking pleased.  I smiled and we started paying attention to the meeting that was beginning.  From time to time, I could feel Frank.  I don’t know how, but we eye-contacted again a few times and I smiled and mouthed, “What!?”  He mouthed back, “Break time.”  I think that was the longest meeting we’d ever had, but the clock wouldn’t confirm it.  The judge finished his business, then the Posse Commander got up.  He called me forward, introduced me to the law enforcement folks who hadn’t already met me and formally requested I accept the position as Reconnaissance Squad Leader.  My head was swimming, and then it was break time.”

“As eager as I was to finally talk to Frank,” said Lena, “I played it cool and took my time meandering back to the cold drinks.  There we were –face to face.  We weren’t in each other’s space, but I kept saying to myself, “What do I say? What do I say?”  Frank broke that thought train with, “You’re real pretty.”  I started to give a suspicious look and asked, “Come again?”  He said, “No, no. Not like that.  I mean, your pretty ain’t superficial.  It runs clear through you.  You’re not just eye-candy pretty, but you’re the real thing.  I don’t think you have a hidden ugly side.”

“I think I must’ve turned red,” said Lena, “’cuz I felt all warm and tingly.  Anyway, I said, “Well, I don’t think you know me all that good then.”  He said, “I think I do, and if not, I want to.  I’d been reading you the past few months like a wonderful book, and I can’t put you down.  Wanna go squirrel huntin’ Saturday?”

“That clinched it!” Lena laughed.  “We been best buddies ever since.”

Redtail asked, “Well…  Didja get any?”

Sarah and Lena looked at Redtail wide-eyed.

Redtail looked puzzled and gasped, “Squirrels!  Squirrels!”

They all laughed and Lena said, “Wow, I was wondering just how much detail you wanted in the story.”

Just about then the door opened and in walked Frank.  Lena jumped up and threw a big hug on him and the others smiled warmly. 

Frank asked, “What’d I do?  ‘Cuz I think I wanna do it again.”