The Gross-Out Article, or How I Got Started

This article is slightly edited from one I posted a while back at Faithwriters.com.

To get you going, check out this Scripture: Leviticus 11: 21, 22; Mark 1:6 --It's not without precedent and it's even biblical.

Several years back, a distinguished-looking lady came into our library with some questions. Her formal, quiet school-teacherish (which she was) manner seemed in stark contrast to her request for information on fried grasshoppers and sources of supply. When she made her request, I remembered buying chocolate-covered ants, bees, grasshoppers and caterpillars back in the early '70s when our Golden Valley, MN Byerly's carried 'em.  Byerly's doesn't carry them anymore. I checked a while back when we visited my parents. The teacher's request didn't shock me like it did some. It turned out the teacher was going to serve fried grasshoppers to some of the more daring teachers for a back-to-school function or something like that --quite possibly in remembrance of the big Warrensburg grasshopper feast from my earlier post.Several librarians and I jumped on the project. 

As a result of our hunt, the school teacher ended up buying two packages of hoppers (and I'm still trying to find out from where) and only used about half of one. She remembered our eagerness to find information and offered the library the leftovers. Only one of us (guess who) was adventurous enough to take her up on the offer. She didn't want any payment –only to get them off her hands.

The researching introduced me to websites and several books, which seemed to taunt me with, "I dare you to pursue this!" And here I am, unashamed, but on occasion, a little hesitant to admit, I've tried entomophagy, and am recognizing the potential in it.

Those commercially procured grasshoppers of the teacher's, though much larger than the ones in my yard, didn't impress me with their flavor or texture. Maybe they were fried in lard or shortening. Maybe they'd have been better with seasoning. I finished the open pack, and about half the other pack. The remainder ended up getting thrown out because I had no idea how long they stayed fresh. Over the months it took to reach that point, I'd looked at several of the books and websites we found while doing the original research.

Entomophagy is not just about fried grasshoppers and chocolate-covered stuff. One book, and I can't remember the author or title, explained how the author had been researching entomophagy. On a trout-fishing trip, he ran into a huge hatch of mayflies and wondered what the trout found so good about 'em. He tried one, then another, and ended up laying his fishing equipment down and eating his fill of mayflies. Of course, shortly after reading that, I was mowing on my tractor and my own yard happened to be quite thick with mayflies. I tried 'em too, and for quite some time, mayflies weren't safe around me.

During my early time of entomophagy experimentation, I discovered I like raw mayflies and young grasshoppers. Older hoppers were a bit too strongly flavored for me. In a recent book I read, the author pointed out something that should have been obvious to me. Eating uncooked insects poses the same threats of disease and parasites as eating under and uncooked meats of other types. I pondered that thought and my raw insect-eating days were all but over.

One day, not long after giving up raw "bugs" (entomologically incorrect, but etymologically correct, as "Eat-A-Bug's" David George Gordon points out), I ran across a bunch of tomato worms on my in-laws' tomato plants. "The Eat-A-Bug Cookbook" has a recipe for Fried Green Tomato Hornworms, so I collected all I could find from those plants. I only got about a dozen. They ranged in size from about an inch and a half to almost four inches long. My wife humored me and didn't protest, even though she knew what I was up to. A month or so earlier, she only smiled (and maybe rolled her eyes) as she peeked into a frying pan to catch me dry-roasting some grasshoppers, which ultimately found their way powdered into a hoppin'-good hot sauce. The day after the tomato worm find, I caught several grasshoppers, a cicada, and a couple field crickets. I finally had enough critters to make another attempt at edible insects.

After killing the snack by freezing, I thawed 'em out while tossing them in soy sauce. I cut up some white onion and sweet-pickled ripe jalapenos (from my garden) and heated up a bit of olive oil. In went the critters and they sizzled up a storm as the water steamed out. A couple of the tomato worms burst, so I adjusted the heat and kept on frying and stirring until the grasshoppers turned deep red-brown and the worms turned almost yellow. Then I stirred in the vegetables and continued until they were nicely browned.

I must admit I was quite pleasantly impressed at the outcome! Aside from the oniony, sweet and hot, salty flavors from the other ingredients, which was really quite good, the individual critters had flavors and textures all their own. In many books, you'll read of "nutty" and "smoky" flavors. The tomato worms didn't have that. They were quite similar to thin tubes of thick pea soup. The mere bulk of "stuff" in a tomato worm may take some getting used to, but they're really not all that bad. The cicada tasted and felt like a nut stew inside a big sunflower seed shell. I couldn't get the shell chewed, so, like a piece of gum that'd lost its flavor, I spit the shell out. The grasshoppers were, like most people say, smoky and nutty in flavor. I particularly liked the light and crispy texture. Finally, the crickets were most impressive, like crispy, smoked oyster. They were great!

Like when I get a good batch of kimchi, pickles, pepper brownies or jalapeno cookies, I had to bring a big sample to friends to share. I'd already picked out my intended victim, due to her reaction to the hoppin'good hot sauce a couple weeks earlier. When I asked if anyone was interested in my latest experiment, I said, "It's not the hoppin' good hot sauce that had the powdered grasshoppers in it." She said she didn't like the idea of hot stuff, but the grasshopper part sounded interesting. Be careful what you say, specially if you're only trying to humor someone. You never know when it may come back to you.

Within minutes, I brought in the previous night's leftover stir-fry, having to fight myself not to eat it all up, so I could share it. My first victim looked nervous as she said, "I thought you'd maybe bring it in in a couple days, not just a minute or two." She didn't want an audience for her first entomophagous attempt, so I suggested we slip off to the break room. There was someone else in the break room, so we had an audience, but still not a big one. The audience was also one who tries most of my other stuff –but not this.

After looking into the stir-fry, the victim said, "Ew, I don't want to try a tomato worm!" I poked the chopsticks in and pulled out a grasshopper. She asked, "What's THAT?" The legs and wings were gone, and it looked similar to a long, shiny raisin.  I told her it's a grasshopper and her face went into a skeptical twist as she slowly extended her hand. I think she might have even given a little shiver as the morsel hit her hand. She put it in her mouth and slowly began to chew. Her eyes got big and she started to smile and said, "Oh my gosh! That was good!" She eagerly accepted another, bigger hopper. The response from later adventurous eaters has all been positive.

On my way to make a book-delivery to one of our library branches, I stopped at my favorite convenience store for my soda refill. Some of the guys who work there eagerly try my concoctions. One of them likes my experiments well enough that he gets his own bottle of most. As I walked in, I asked if anyone felt adventurous. The new guy said, "If it's anything like that kimchi I tried, I'm game!" I said, "This stuff isn't hot at all," and for a second or two, silence fell. The old-timer with my culinary goodies broke the silence with a hesitating, "What's in it?" "Well, aside from soy sauce, onions, and a bit of those pickled jalapenos, there's critters."

The new guy said, "Whoa, not me! I'm skittish enough around bugs." I said, "It's your chance to take revenge." He didn't go for it, but Old-Timer said, "You know, I'd heard of eating insects and have been meaning to try it some time." I said I had grasshoppers and tomato hornworms. Old-Timer laughed and said no tomato worm for him, but he'll try a grasshopper.

Old-Timer started chewing and he put up his hand, saying, "Mmmm, Hmmm", between chews. "It tastes like… like… I can't quite put my finger on it… It's not bad…" Then I told the guys about the cicada and cricket. New Guy said he'd have tried a cricket "because they're little." Neither of them was disappointed that I'd already eaten the cicada.

Since then, I'd experienced catching grasshoppers by flashlight on a cool night is quite like picking berries. New Guy also asked me to bring some grasshoppers again because he was ready to try them.

The other day, I called a bluff. Two ladies who work at one of the libraries I deliver to said they were interested in trying my entocuisine. I brought in part of batch number two. This time there were no tomato worms or cicadas, but it included peach-pit meats, which are very almond-like. One of the ladies declined after seeing the bowl, but the other didn't back down or even hesitate.

I ate one hopper while telling about the adapted recipe, as one patron who looked into the bowl staggered off with her hands fluttering like a butterfly, shuddering and repeating, "Ew, ew, ew." Daring Librarian had a cricket and the patron "Ew"ed again. Then Daring Librarian had a grasshopper, saying, "These are really good, though I'm most partial to crickets." Another "Ewww!" was heard in the distance. We didn't eat it all, so I had a fair bulk of leftovers for dinner.

While camping the following weekend, I was reading my Bible by lantern-light and a big grasshopper hit me in the chest. I picked it off and gently tossed it to the weeds. Another bounced off my head and landed in the Book. I only smiled as it hopped off into the dark. Before this, I'd probably have absent-mindedly squished 'em. The next day, again, while reading, a big ant crawled along the edge of the table and I reached out, tapped it with a finger and popped it in my mouth. I realized what I'd done, and glanced around to see if anyone saw me. I think I got away with it. Ants are tart!

So now, as I drive around on my library delivery routes and scan the countryside, it hits home all the harder how abundantly God has provided for us. Am I ready to throw caution to the wind and be a hunter-gatherer? No way! I like my metal pans, freezers, refrigerators, stove and oven, my car, and other benefits of civilization. Those, too, are gifts of God. Running water's nice, too, as is the Internet where you're likely reading this.

Some of My Motivation

Some of you might wonder why someone brought up in Western culture actually eats bugs.  I'll be transferring another article on that topic soon, but the below article documented an event that took place quite near where I live over a hundred years ago, so my interest, particularly in this area, isn't without precedent!  This is a story or how a guy took hardship and turned it into a fun event.  Enjoy!

Who Recalls Locust Feast?

From "The Bulletin" Johnson County Historical Society, Inc., Sep, 1979 (Vol. XV, No. 2)

If you think this year's onslaught of grasshoppers has been bad, think back to what it was like in 1875 when young boys were gathering buckets of locusts for a very unusual –but true—banquet.

The subject of Warrensburg's "grasshopper feast" came up again earlier this year with a reprint of a 1909 reminiscence by "The Country Cousin" in the Warrensburg Star Journal, January 31.

The unnamed writer was a member of the city council, and he told of a dinner at the normal school that had him feel as though the 'hoppers were yet stalking through his stomach.

The fall of 1975 [sic] brought swarms of Rocky Mountain or "Indian" grasshoppers (so named because of their copper color and bright red legs) to Western Missouri.  The locusts laid eggs in the sandy, loose soil, and the following year, then hatched out in plague proportions.

"Country Cousin" reported that they moved forward "like an avalanche," up from the bootoms [sic] around Post Oak.  There were so many of the 'hoppers that trains were being stalled because of wheels slipping on the rails.  A Warrensburg banker, A.W. Ridings, offered a reward and paid fifty cents for every bushel of grasshoppers brought to his bank at Holden and East Pine Streets.  So many were brought in, however, he was forced to retract the offer.

The feast?  That was the idea of Charles V. Riley, the first state entomologist in Missouri and later an entomologist with the U.S. Department of agriculture.  Riley claimed that the grasshoppers could be safely eaten.  Accounts differ, but "Country Cousin" said that all of the teachers in the normal school attended the banquet, with the cooking being supervised by a German clerk named Weidermeyer, who was also an excellent chef.

"First came grasshopper soup, then grasshopper pancakes served with butter and syrup; the scrambled eggs well mixed with grasshoppers; then followed pudding, spiked with the festive hopper, and finally came a pie around the edge of which the redlegged grasshoppers were set around in a circle looking outward, very artistically arranged," he recalled.

Riley's account of the banquet was included in a report to the governor.  In addition, details were in a paper he read before the American Association of the Advancement of Science.

The article raises some questions.  First, who was "Country Cousin"?  Any Ideas?  Second, does anyone remember first or second-hand stories from persolns [sic] that attended the banquet or were otherwise involved?  If so, write The Bulletin in care of the Heritage Library in Warrensburg.

I'd like to recreate an insect feast here in Warrensburg, Missouri, some time.  Please, if anyone thinks it sounds like fun, and specially would like to help, let me know!  We probably would have to expand on grasshoppers, as we can't really schedule another plague.

And I'd like to give the Johnson County Historical Society special thanks for giving me the go-ahead to re-post this article!  Go to Facebook and friend them!

It Happened on a Dark and Humid Night

It's a dark warm night in mid to late spring.  That's prime bug collecting time.  Turn on a porch light or a fairly bright light near a window in your house.  It shouldn't take long for the guests to arrive.  While you're waiting, take a flashlight out to trees and the garden to collect more stuff.  (Ed K., if you're reading this, I plan on building a big bug trap like you've got! –If it works for me, I'll share it.)

Last night (29 May, 2011), I had my first fruitful night-hunt!  It'd been a really screwy year, so far, for weather.  It'd been unusually cold and rainy.  I guess that's what's been keeping the bugs under cover.  Last night was different!  It was warm and humid, with a little breeze.  I'd been looking, for days, for the big cicada hatch that was supposed to be happening.  I'd also been leaving lights on and checking windows for June bugs and other critters.  All total, over the past couple weeks, I'd only gotten five or six June bugs, and seen only two empty cicada shells and one adult. 

--time passes--

Now 1 June, I gotta get this finished so I can post it in time for folks to do something about it.  Get outside after dark, with a flashlight.  Look just about anywhere you can think –tree trunks, undersides of branches and leaves, fences, flower patches, buildings, and even on the ground.  You'll probably surprise yourself at the stuff you'll find.  Collect your bugs alive, and kill them by freezing.  Store them that way until you're ready to cook them.

I go collecting with a small plastic coffee creamer bottle.  It's got a little shaker lid with a hinged-door on the opening just the right size for June bugs, grasshoppers, cicadas and more.  When I'm done collecting, I put the bottle in the freezer, and about 15 minutes later, the critters are ready to sort into sandwich bags.  At least that's the way I do it. 

I've found lots of June bugs on foliage, and not all on my window screens.  They seem to be rather partial to young leaves from sucker plants that sprout from stumps.  Cicadas are on just about anything, and we should have the annuals start their hatch in a few weeks.  Annual cicadas are bigger than periodicals, but don't hatch in such bulk.  Then there's grasshoppers late in the summer.  Almost all these critters pick quite easily.  They're not nearly so skittish at night –particularly the diurnal insects like grasshoppers.  They pick best on cool nights.  Crickets are probably easiest to acquire by trapping, of from a bait shop, but they're might tasty!  I'm particularly fond of those brown camel crickets so common in many basements.

I seriously don't believe a few entomophagists can put a dent in an insect population, unless the insect is rare to begin with.  So far, in combination, I've gotten about a quarter pound of June bugs and cicadas in the freezer –more cicadas than June bugs.  I've got a little less than that in mealworms I raised in my basement.  Try raising your own ento-treats, but if you pick wild, be respectful.  Never eradicate a population –unless, of course, you're picking pests from your garden.  And if you do pick regularly, you shouldn't need to use pesticides!  Reduced pesticide use will even make the green folks happy. (and an almost off-topic note: Put earthworms in peat for a few days before you boil 'em (20 minutes, with garlic).  It helps purge the fine gritty dirt from their systems.  They have a taste sort of like earthy fish, with a texture similar to squid.  They oughtta go over quite nicely at our fear factor program in October)

So now you've got all this neat stuff you can eat.  How do you do it?  I'll be happy to share my experiences with you, and below, you'll find a bibliography of some of my favorite books on wild edibles and edible critters of many sorts.  They're all good enough that I've added them to my personal library –even though I work at a public library.

Bibliography

Angier, Bradford. Field Guide to Wild Edible Plants.  Stackpole Books.  Harrisburg, PA. 1982. 

Angier, Bradford. How to Stay Alive in the Woods.  Macmillan Publishing Co. New York. 1956.

Brill, "Wildman" Steve and Evelyn Dean.  Identifying and Harvesting Edible and Medicinal Plants: in Wild (and Not so Wild) Places.  Harper Collins Publishers.  NY.  2002.

Couplan, Francois, PhD. The Encyclopedia of Edible Plants of North America. Keats Publishing, Inc. New Canaan, CT.  1998.

DeFoliart, Gene, Florence Vaccarello Dunkel, David Gracer, Ed. Food Insects Newsletter: Chronicle of a Changing Culture. Aardvark Global Publishing. Salt Lake City. 2009.

Department of the Army.  The Complete Guide to Edible Wild Plants.  Skyhorse Publishing.  NY.  2009.

Forey, Pamela, and Cecelia Fitzsimmons.  An Instant Guide to Edible Plants.  Grammercy Books.  NY.  2001.

Gordon, David George. The Eat-A-Bug Cookbook. Ten Speed Press.  Berkeley, CA. 1998.

Gordon, David George. The Secret World of Slugs and Snails: Life in the Very Slow Lane. Sasquatch Books.  Seattle.  2010.

Herter, George Leonard and Berthe E. How to Get Out of the Rat Race and Live on $10 a Month. Herter's, Inc. Waseca, MN. 1975.

Holt, Vincent M. Why Not Eat Insects? Pryor Publications Whitstable and Walsall.  Whitstable, Kent, UK. 2007 reprint of 1885 publication.

Jaden, Jenna, and the University of Maryland Cicadamaniacs. Cicada-Licious (2nd ed.) University of Maryland. 2004.

Menzel, Peter, and Faith D'Aluisio. Man Eating Bugs: The Art and Science of Eating Insects. Ten Speed Press. Berkeley, CA. 1998.

Phillips, Jan.  Wild Edibles of Missouri.  Missouri Department of Conservation.  1979.

Rost, Amy, compiler.  Survival Wisdom and Know-How: Everything You Need to Know to Subsist in the Wilderness. Black Dog and Leventhal Publishers, Inc. NY. 2007.

Taylor, Ronald L. and Barbara J. Carter. Entertaining With Insects. Salutek Publishing Co. Yorba Linda, CA. 1996.

U.S. Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force. Survival, Evasion and Recovery. 1999.

Websites

June bugs and More

http://intotheborderlands.blogspot.com/2008/06/eating-brown.html

Food Insects Newsletter

http://www.hollowtop.com/finl_html/finl.html

http://www.food-insects.com/

And of course, don't forget my two Facebook groups: Missouri Entomophagy and Wild Edibles of Missouri.

Try Some of This

You're hearing rock music, or rock-related genres of Christian music in the background, just loudly enough you can still ask, "Wow!  Who's that!?"  Coffee's on.  It's medium roast and a little on the strong side.  I did dark roast a couple years, but it didn't have enough bite.  If the coffee's too bitter, stir in a pinch of salt or two.  There's powdered creamer by the coffee pot, and flavored syrup in the brown suitcase.

Our name implies we're some sort of eating establishment –and a diverse one at that.  You won't find the "ordinary" mainstream North American fare here.  I've got some house specialties, to include my own version of cabbage/onion/pepper kim chee, jalapeno cookies, Cayenne brownies and grasshopper or June bug stir fry.

This time of year, at least in the USA, the bugs are flying around at night, and quite likely collecting on your window screens (I hear some hitting the screens right now, begging to be captured).  Go on out a few times each night with a container and pick June bugs.  Put 'em in the freezer 'til they're frozen and transfer them to a sandwich or small food storage bag.  When you've accumulated a dozen or more, you've got enough for a decent taste and it's time to cook some up –unless you're allergic to shellfish. 

I've read you can boil some bugs for about 15 minutes, and I plan to try it with June bugs some time.  I'd imagine they wouldn't be as crispy as the ways I'm going to tell you about.  Cleaning the June bugs is up to you.  I like to rinse them well in a colander, then dry them.  You can pull off the wing covers, wings and legs if you like, but I've found the discomfort in eating isn't worth all that fine detailed work.  The same goes for just about all but the biggest bugs.

Heat up a dry frying pan and then drop your bugs in.  Stir them almost constantly to keep them from burning.  Dry roast them this way until you're certain they're cooked all the way through, and they've reached a crispness you think you'll like.  Turn off the heat and eat 'em up!  This is about the purest non-wimpy way to eat bugs and experience their true flavors.  June bugs are pretty tasty like this, but for added flavor, try some variations. 

Instead of a dry frying pan, try using a little oil, then tossing your critters in seasoning when they're done.  Try your own favorite blend, or powdered ranch dressing or taco seasoning mix.  Another easy cooking method is to stir fry.  I like bugs stir fried with sweet pickled onions and jalapenos –Mmmmm Mmm!  Good stuff!

So why try eating bugs in the first place?  A couple unarguable reasons are because you can, and bugs are a pretty cheap source for a snack.  They're also quite nutritious when compared to mainstream foods.  I won't go into all that here, since other folks have already posted abundant research on that.  Then there's the man-made global warming crisis.  There's evidence to support eating insects might help reduce greenhouse gas emissions.  I'm still skeptical on lots of that stuff.  Eating insects may or may not have a positive environmental impact, but they are a food source we, in the West, have turned our noses up at or overlooked for way too long.

Here's a list of some insects I've tried and will most likely try again: grasshoppers and crickets of many varieties, June bugs, darkling (mealworm) beetles, June bug grubs, tomato worms, stink bugs, bark boring beetle grubs, cranefly larvae, mealworms, lots of different hairless brown and green caterpillars, walking sticks, cicadas, roaches, leaf hoppers, May flies and more.  Give some a try.  They're really, really not as bad as some of you might think!

Beware of the "Facts"

"Beware of Facts"

After you read this, I eagerly solicit input that would encourage entomophagy.  I'd love to hear about economical sources of supply –even not-so economical.  I want to know of substantiated and clear nutritional data on insects.  I'd even love to hear about your entomophagous experiences.  I don't solicit data on global warming, carbon footprints of cattle, or rain forest destruction, or how we're all going to starve to death in ten years and so forth.  Although I mention stuff like that in this article, it's is not the point of my promotion of entomophagy.  I promote entomophagy because it's fun.

Some entomophagy promoters will throw out lots of convincing-sounding "facts" and data.  Insects are almost as high in protein, ounce for ounce, as other meats, with lots less fat.  They're jam packed with other nutrients you could never get in mainstream meats.  Entomophagy could go a long way to solve world hunger while greening up the environment and saving all kinds of money on feed/fuel costs compared to beef.  Don't just accept the data and "facts" without thinking for yourself.  I'm not an expert, nor do I have much research to support my claims here, but I've given what I'm about to say a fair deal of thought.

There's lots of nutrition in insects.  I won't argue that at all.  I do have to wonder about the compared-to-other-meat, and so-high-in-protein claims.  A few years back, I heard of pet food manufacturers catching flack about their protein claims.  They bragged on their packaging about how high in protein their food was, until some folks fussed about false-advertising in that too much of their wonderful protein was not digestible protein.  They included fur, claws, beaks, and yes, insect exoskeletons, which may be protein, but very likely nutritionally useless protein.  I asked a couple of my ento-expert friends about those protein claims, as they apply to insects, and they didn't know if the protein data included the indigestible or not.  About alternate protein: yes, beans, nuts, chickens, fish, grasshoppers, crickets, cicadas are all good, and should be considered, but we must get over our fear of bugs first.  Just accept that insects are good stuff, but don't go on about how much better they are, at least until the data is clarified. 

One of my favorite outdoor survival and wild edibles authors, Bradford Angier, quotes George Leopard [sic] Herter as saying, "Insects are wonderful food, being mostly fat, and far more strengthening than either fish or meat.  It does not take many insects to keep you fit…  Moths, mayflies, in fact about all the insects found in the woods, are very palatable... kick open some rotten logs and get some grubs.  They keep bears fat and healthy and will do the same for you."  He speaks from a survivalist/outdoorsman's perspective, and makes a claim without shock data or belittling benefits of traditional "meat" and fish.

Other shock sources include books like "The Population Bomb" and "Famine 1975!"  They predicted we'd be starved out by now.  In 1960, a prominent professor in the environmental/agriculture fields predicted, "We have about 50 more years of steaks".   Shock data inspires suspicion in me like those "Act Now!" ads that want you to send money without thinking things through.  "Overpopulation" is the inability for a people to sustain itself on its land.  We, at least in most of the West, do not have an overpopulation problem.  Most of the hunger we have is based on wrong behaviors, and not a lack of food  Sure, there is lots of hunger and even starvation in the world.  For the most part, it's in areas that already embrace entomophagy. 

I suggested to my sister, who works in the anthropology field in Papua New Guinea, that "her" villagers might be able to make some money by collecting and selling some of their world-famous grubs to the West.  She replied that they see it as an event worth great rejoicing when they turn over a log to find those grubs.  They celebrate that they have more to eat!  She also says the meager money they sometimes get is way too often misspent.   Even though I'd like to get more entomophagy going here, I can't justify commercializing someone else's prize food-finds.  Our answer to entomophagy in the West doesn't lie in taking advantage of the food supply of an already-hungry people.  We must come up with our own insect resources.

I've seen some figures on insect prices, and you can look them up on the Internet.  If you find sources of supply to prove my cost-theories wrong, please let me know.  The cost (pound for pound at retail) for serious entomophagy, according to my figures, is prohibitive as a replacement for mainstream sources of protein.  One place I read about recently, buys their crickets for $13 a pound.  I bought a 1.2oz can of crickets at a pet store, and it cost $7.99!  That's not going to save the world from starvation.  Buying insects from commercial breeders, after entomophagy gets more popular here, and initial overhead is paid for, might someday be affordable.  Pound for pound, insects might be competitors with beef in protein, but certainly not in cost - yet. 

I can't help but wonder what would commercial bug ranches look like.  We'd have to go commercial to feed the people.  We can't build fences for grasshoppers or crickets, so we'd have to have specialized buildings in which to raise them.  How much grasshopper building would be required to match the protein potential of a herd of cattle?  And a big Cadillac with a set of long-horned grasshopper antennae just wouldn't look as impressive as one with cattle horns (OK, I'm off track there).

Other things to consider in going commercial with insect production for human consumption are what we naturally do when creating a product for sale.  We've got bigger, fatter, tastier meats on the market than the first farmers could have dreamed of producing.  That's because we have more high-tech foods, chemical additives, and genetically altered biomass than ever.  We can't reasonably think we won't seek to create a bigger, fatter, tastier, softer-bodied grasshopper or mealworm or cricket.  If we're going commercial, we're going to have to out-compete our competition.  Going commercial isn't likely to be as environmentally or organically friendly as many would like to claim.  Big commercializing will get insects just as chemicalled up and genetically altered as mainstream meats.

Then there's private insect farming.  I've kept a batch of mealworms going for a couple years now.   Granted, they take lots less care and overhead than a small herd of goats.  But it still takes space and time.  I'm too short on facilities to get this micro-herd of mine to large scale.  My basement's too cool for optimum breeding.  It'd cost a fair amount to get heat down there and keep the temps right.  They do eat a little of our otherwise disposed-of kitchen waste.  I could probably expand the operation if my wife embraced the practice.  So far, she rolls her eyes at entomophagy and wishes I'd not mention it in public, but she still tolerates my hobby.   I'm working on her, but not pushing. 

My mealworms don't stink (if I keep their pans regularly cleaned).  They're fairly cheap to sustain, but it's not enough to replace our "regular" meat.  Besides, I don't particularly care for the taste of mealworms, and anyone who's eaten them knows the taste is distinctive.  I have eaten some individuals that are almost sweet and pleasant-tasting –but haven't figured out how to make that consistent.  I'd like to try Madagascar hissing cockroaches, but my wife barely tolerates the mealworms, and mealworms don't attract attention on their own.  Crickets are supposed to be easy, but again, they take a different set-up than mealworms.  They like aquariums with dirt in 'em –but they have to be made escape proof.  Mealworms don't jump.  The adult beetles hardly ever fly (I've not seen it yet –they DO have wings).  They can't climb the plastic sides of my shallow storage tubs, so I guess I'll keep on with them until I come up with a better alternative. 

If insects can't be inexpensively bought or raised in fairly large quantities, we must catch them ourselves.  After all, insects are all over the place, so that shouldn't pose a problem, right?  During the summer and autumn of 2010, I had the fun of collecting insects to present entomophagy at a public library teen fear factor program, and a Missouri Department of Conservation "Insect-O-Rama".  I spent lots of time at night at our window-screens, picking June bugs.  I also went out at night and picked grasshoppers by flashlight: the cooler the night, the easier the picking.  I figured it would take me around 15 hours of picking to produce a pound of grasshoppers.  What, then, would a pound of grasshoppers cost at minimum wage (excluding packaging, shipment, marketing, and so on)?  It was fun, but I'd be no provider for my family that way.  I doubt if I quit my job and devoted my life to catching bugs, I could feed my family.  They'd wither away, and I'd lose my house too.   

I'm by no means an expert fisherman or hunter, but it would be far more practical for me to provide for my family by fishing, hunting or trapping than to catch bugs.  But statistics and facts try to support entomophagy as the solution to our ills.  If entomophagy isn't a solution, it's argued we've at least got to get away from commercial mammal meat like beef and pork.  There's lots of scary data to support that.  I'm not even going to get into anthropomorphic climate-change.  We should have nipped that global warming crisis in the bud back when the glaciers started receding from the northern states of the USA, and the mastodon population went into decline.

Here is some evidence for the ills of beef I got from a well-intentioned friend: 

"…Beef is the most inefficient food on the menu, and Americans eat entirely too much of it. For example: it takes 2,500 gallons of water, 1 gallon of gasoline, 55 acres of rainforest (provided that the cattle was exported from South America), and 8 pounds of grain just to generate one pound of beef. Food and water scarcity is a serious problem in our world, think of how many of those people could be nourished with what it takes to generate just one pound of beef. Beef is not a necessity, there are other ways for people to get ample protein in their diets…"

I wondered how this data was gathered and how the results were organized. Do the math!  A 300 pound beef costs 750,000 gallons of water, burns 300 gallons of gas, wipes out 16,500 acres of rain forest and eats 2,400 pounds of grain? How many pounds of beef have been produced in SA? I don't think those panic-figures will add up. How big is a herd of cattle? For example, we'll consider a tiny herd of 150 scrawny 300 pound cattle. That's 2,475,000 acres of rain forest wiped out.  Add all the per-pound gas, water and grain wasted by that one tiny herd, but we can still buy a pound of beef for under $3?  No wonder our farmers are having such a tough time.  And taxing US beef (which was a suggestion to discourage beef production) would only increase rain forest destruction by driving beef production out of the US.

Don't think I'm advocating raising cattle on cleared rain forest pastures.  If a pound of beef costs a gallon of gas, 2,500 gallons of water, and 8 pounds of grain, we'd be paying AT LEAST that much per pound for hamburger.  And government subsidies don't explain away the claimed water/land/feed costs either.  Government subsidies didn't cause mankind to adopt farming instead of entomophagy to begin with.  It was simply more efficient.  The "data" sounds scary, but they don't consider how much of that 2,500 gallons of water goes back into the environment.  They don't consider all the fine fertilizer left by the cattle, and they don't consider that the "destroyed" rain forest can be re-used to raise more inefficient cattle.  Of course, we could build a cricket or roach ranch on that cleared rain forest. 

I won't argue the claim that we eat too much beef or that there are other sources of protein besides mainstream meats.  Much of the data or at least the conclusions based on that data, for example: to support the anti-beef rant, has too many holes in it.  Don't get into entomophagy or go on a crusade for it based on shock-data.  Do it because it's a fun and could someday draw enough attention to provide a reasonable alternative to beef or pork.  If you have enough fun with it, others will catch on, and maybe someday entomophagy will replace the other so-called environmentally unfriendly and less healthy mainstream meats.  Get buggy! 

Sanctified Pork and Shoe Fetishes

I'm really tired of it.  For a while, I listened to broadcast Christian music radio very regularly.  I'm back to more CDs than radio lately (early 2011).  Of course, that's not really a bad thing, since I've invested a fair amount of money in Christian music CDs.   My move from radio to CDs isn't for some vague, evasive reason, but for a trend which is really easy to identify.  I'm tired of the chick-flicky, anthemic songs and hissy, almost lisped, whining, mumbled, pouty, breathy vocals of way too many Christian singers recently.  Some female vocalists over-do the emotional breathy pouty stuff, but not nearly so much as too many males.

Sure, that effeminate male and other breathy, mumbled pouty stuff ministers to lots of people, but not to me.  I'm also guessing there's lots of other guys out there who share my opinion.  There's lots of women, too, who just don't like what they're hearing in Christian music.

C'mon you singers: sing it and pronounce it!  "I" is not "hi".  "You" is not "hugh" or "chew" or "jew" or "shoe".  "Do" is not "tzu" or "dzu".  "God" isn't "ngod".  "Please" isn't "blease" and "yeah" is not "sheah" or "djeah".  Quit singing like you got your mouths full of marbles or food you don't want to swallow!

Mr. West, "Honna wanna go through the motions" shouldn't be sung when you mean "I don't want to go through the motions."  Then Disciple sang "Honna wanna…" for "I'm the one who…"  Revive sings "mefore nunay mecomes a yes duh-day" for "before today becomes a yesterday".  Then someone breathily sings, "Hi surrender holy ham" for "I surrender all I am", or slurs out "shear you are down on your knees again" for "here you are…" and "sheah, sheah sheah" for "yeah yeah yeah".  "Another sings, "The only thing that matters is shoe love, shoe love…"  And we're to "Raise a shout, dzu let all the world know that Jesus saves."

So if anyone else doesn't like the soft and sweet, hissy, puppies and kitties and butterflies Christian music that's so popular, take heart!  There's lots more out there than what's often played on the radio.

My preferred musical styles when I started my hunt for the Good stuff was classic rock, blues rock, country rock and heavy rock.  Since my hunt, my likes have expanded, still quite surprisingly to me, into rap and hip-hop, bluegrass, some country, black and southern gospel, punk, speed metal, big band and more.  I'd be happy to help you find something you'll like to listen to.   Let me know if you want some recommendations.

In-Your-Face Politics

This will be my only in-your-face political writing I post here --hopefully.  Know, up front, I'm a Christian, conservative, ex-military, land-owning, hunter/fisher, white family-guy, who also votes.  Yeah, I'm the cause of all the ills in the world, and lots of folks' worst nightmares.  So here's my political (too likely not all-inclusive) platform.  I don't like to argue politics, so keep that in mind when you leave comments on the blogs here.  And I do recognize a difference between argument and discussion.

I'm pro-choice AND pro-life.  Yes, I can be both, because I believe the choice is made at conception.  Abortion is NOT a form of birth control.

We need some serious welfare-reform:  No work, no check!

We need reform in the medical world, too, especially in billing and research.  Don't bill stuff that didn't happen, and don't approve stuff that's not thoroughly tested.  The insurance industry is too often scamming folks and the medical industry, too.  Frivolous lawsuits need to be stopped.  You buy coffee, you should know it's hot!  Don't sue McDonald's because you're stupid enough to spill it in your lap.  Instead of the lawsuit, you should have your driver's license yanked because you have no common sense.  I don't know what the answer should be in these areas, but it's not federal-level legislation.

The official language of the USA will be American English.  Nobody will be punished for using other languages, but if you get a high school, or post-secondary degree or GED here, the courses and tests are gonna be in English!  And don't get all stupidly defensive!  It won't include foreign language degrees.

The second amendment came out of a need to have an armed populace.  The only government who should fear undocumented gun-ownership is a corrupt government.  The constitution stays!  I've sworn to support and uphold the Constitution (as it was written when I took my oath).  I don't believe my oath was voided when I left the military.

Illegal immigration should be stopped!  Don't be saying, "But we should welcome immigrants!"  Yes, we should!  NOT illegal ones.  Illegals should not enjoy any of the rights we LEGAL citizens enjoy from our Constitution.  No tax-funded benefits should be afforded to illegal immigrants.  Illegals, get out!  You're not legal.

Should we base our law on religion?  Absolutely!  To try to separate law from religion is to void all law.  Law implies a higher moral standard, and to have that moral standard carry any weight, it must assume we were created BY A CREATOR, and FOR A PURPOSE.  If there's no religion/Creator, laws are created by worthless accidents of the universe.  But law is created by "the people"!  So what.  If we're all accidents, people have no value, except that assigned by other worthless people.  Therefore, laws I don't like shouldn't be binding on me, because you, or any body elected by other worthless accidents carry no more moral clout than I.  What's right for you, might not be right for me.  OR, we are created, and have a purpose, and only God's law counts.  And being a Christian, I've gotta stick with God's law as presented in the Holy Bible's New Testament.  In following Jesus' example, I wouldn't force you to be a Christian.  What about other religions, like Islam and its Sharia law?  NO!  That law is unconstitutional: for example, it allows the killing of someone for converting to another religion.  You want Sharia law, MOVE!

Equal protection under the law means just that --NOT "special protection"!  There won't be stiffer penalties for "hate crimes" against specified groups of people.  All crimes are hate crimes, because the criminal hates someone else having something he or she wants.

The Constitution stands, and we should interpret it as it was written, not to suit present times.

Curriculum reform: No mandate to teach theory as fact will be made.  Evolution is a theory!  If there's controversy, all sides will be taught, with no bias.  Evidence is overwhelming to support creation, but it's evidence, and you can either accept it or reject it.  Personally, I believe what's said in the Bible, though I don't understand the biblical concept of time (yeah, I know I'm kicking a religious hornet's nest here).

I'm all for a strong economy in the USA.  We'll not make legislation that will jeopardize the strong position we once had in the world.  We won't legislate or tax where it would force our jobs overseas!  And we won't adopt rules to force small businesses out of business, either.  No, we won't get into that global law stuff.

I guess that's all I'll post here, for now.  I hope I don't have to get into political debate here at Torvald Yamaguchi's Lutefisk and Sushi Bar.  I want it to be a friendly place.